While technologies like social media, texting, and video chatting have made it easier than ever to stay connected, unfortunately we are more separated from one another than ever before—and the consequences are not pretty.

Remote work and ever-decreasing in-person contact have left many of us feeling dissatisfied and meaningless. Our relationships are strained. We’ve become immune to the feelings of those around us. We’re starved for connection, so much so that one in three Americans suffers from profound loneliness at any given time. This loneliness increases our risk for depression, anxiety, suicide, and stress-related physical ailments like heart disease, stroke, and dementia.

Did you know that loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? That’s how serious the problem is.

The thing is, social bonds are hardwired into human behavior—literally. Neurons in our brains are stimulated when we interact with other people. Even though bonds are the essential glue of our lives, we don’t know how to communicate effectively with each other.

Just look at the political ads that are out there right now. Most of them are full of name-calling, accusations, and a fair amount of distraction. And if we’re being honest, these ads are very similar to our everyday interactions.

We can – and must – do better. Much better.

Effective communication skills not only allow us to express our needs and ideas, but they also allow us to be seen and heard. Better communication skills make us better listeners. As a result, we develop more empathy towards others. We are able to build trust and resolve conflicts, which in turn improves our relationships and increases our confidence and self-esteem.

There are absolutely no downsides to better communication and we can all easily (yes, really) learn how to do it.

First, it is important to realize that communication is about much more than just words. It is about active listening. It is about seeing and accepting each person as they are. It is about respecting and acknowledging their thoughts and feelings.

These insights helped me develop the Kee Concepts of Communication. I use them every day to guide my interactions with my patients (and everyone else in my life!). In turn, the Kee Concepts empower them to handle complicated emotions, challenging situations, and everyday interactions.

Let’s dive in.

The six Kee concepts of communication are:

1. RESPECT– Respect is the foundation of the Kee concepts and the foundation on which all human interaction should be based. A universal statement in therapy with children is: “I just want them to listen to me.” We all want to be heard. Respect means being heard.
2. LISTEN AND VALIDATE–As adults, we often feel the need to solve our children’s problems or talk them out of their thoughts and feelings. In reality, our children don’t want adults to fix things or convince them to change their minds or feel differently. Instead, they want validation that we have really listened to them and verbally recognized the emotions they are expressing.
3. WHAT DON’T I KNOW?– As humans, we all make judgments about other people several times a day, sometimes without even realizing it. Imagine if instead of judging, we stopped and asked ourselves, “What don’t I know about the person I’m dealing with?” We all have experiences that influence our outlook on life, and showing each other a little forbearance goes a long way.
4. Meet them where they are, not where you want them to be.– Have you ever had a conversation with someone and thought, “I know exactly what you need to do!”? Or maybe you’ve even said, “You need to do (fill in the blank). This is the right thing to do.” Instead, give the person the opportunity to find their own path, even if it’s not the path you would choose or recommend.
5. DO NOT FEED THE BEARS– Bears come in many forms – a child, spouse, significant other, family members, bosses, coworkers, patients, and students. A bear feeding may start as a simple conversation between two people, but changes over time as one person feels the other is no longer listening or taking their thoughts or concerns seriously. Beware: A bear’s favorite foods are fighting words like “never” and “always.”
6. Getting out of the power struggle–It’s easier than you might think to communicate with a hungry bear. The best strategy? Act from a place of love and respect by listening and appreciating. This will convey to the other person that they have been heard and are important.

Without a doubt, the most rewarding part of my work over the past 40 years counseling children and their families has been watching them find their voice, discover their self-worth, and build trusting relationships through the Kee concepts of communication. You can do it too.

Try it. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.